


Dancing In The Nuddy-Pants

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: British Comedy, British English, British Slang, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Comedy, Dancing, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Drinking Games, Drunk Texting, Drunken Flirting, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Humor, Humorous Ending, Lesbian Character, Nudity, Party, Rain, Sexual Humor, Vodka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:14:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Sooyoung goes to a fish-themed party with best friend Seulgi, gets extraordinairly pissed, and, it leads to a range of hilarious shenanigans in this British comedy
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Park Sooyoung | Joy, Kang Seulgi/Original Character(s), Kang Seulgi/Park Sooyoung | Joy, Kim Yerim | Yeri & Original Character(s), Minor or Background Relationship(s), Park Sooyoung | Joy/Original Character(s), Son Seungwan | Wendy/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Dancing In The Nuddy-Pants

**Author's Note:**

> It's a bit silly and a very light read. I hope you enjoy it :)

Sooyoung dialed her best friend and next door's neighbours phone number into the old 1990's landline on the little table in the hallway by the door. Sooyoung hoped the thrity-year-old technology still worked. They were in the middle of a thunderstorm. "God it's raining." Sooyoung sighed as Seulgi picked up.

"Yeah, love, I know, I'm next door." Sooyoung heard Seulgi muting the television in the background of the call so she could listen to Sooyoung. Aw, Sooyoung thought.

"No, no, I mean "God it's raining" as in "God it's raining so much I've literally just seen a sparrow washed off its perch in the oak tree by the other next-door-person-type-thing's fence", Seulgi." Sooyoung explained.

"Ohhh, I see." Seulgi answered.

"It should have had it's umbrella up." Sooyoung decided of the sparrow. "But even if it had had its umbrella up it might have slipped on a bit of wet leaf and crashed into a passing squirrel." Sooyoung paused to let Seulgi laugh. "This is what life is like."

"Love..."

"Well, it's what MY life is like." Sooyoung emphasized more correctly.

"Stop thinking about that boy." Seulgi disapproved so much of Sooyoung's previous boyfriend that she never spoke his name, and, if was in a position to refer to him in a manner which usually would be his name, she referred to him as "Soft cock". Because, in Seulgi's book, he was.

"Once more I am beyond the Valley of the Confused and treading lightly in the Universe of the Huge Red Bottom." Sooyoung slipped down the wallpapered wall of her entrance hallway, her ankles turned in as though drunk with her knees together, phone held against her ear, the curled cord brushing against her shoulder. Seeing as it was just herself at home, she had on her rainbow-striped jumper, purple-and-white wooly socks, and, actually, quite new and very nice navy skinny jeans. No other time would these wooly socks be worn.

Especially not in company.

Meanwhile, on the other end, Sooyoung did not know which fell harder. Seulgi's laughs and her breathless lungs or the rain on her roof. Pleeeeeeease don't leak, Sooyoung thought mournfully of her roof. Not that there was very much wrong with it. It would just have to happen, right?

"Red bottom?" Seulgi echoed.

"Slutty things." Sooyoung explained. "If a lady baboon gets aroused, all the blood goes south to her backside, and, she gets all swollen up and red. Therefore, when I remark that my big red bottom has come out, I'm being an absolute tart and am suffering for it." She looked up to her ceiling briefly. "Anyway, what is the matter with me? I love the Soft Cock -" Sooyoung had picked up the habit of calling her beloved boyfriend that as a affectionate term - along with she and Seulgi's other friends, Seungwan, Joohyun and Yerim - because, even though Seulgi called him Soft Cock because she thought he was weak, Sooyoung, Seungwan, Joohyun and Yerim referred to him as Soft Cock because at least he wasn't a Hard Cock and rubbing himself up against your backside like a tom cat on heat. Soft Cock had been quite a gentleman...sort of. "I love the Soft Cock -" Sooyoung tried again, Seulgi having started cackling. Sooyoung thought Seulgi was cackling away about the red bottoms of lady baboons, but, Sooyoung realized Seulgi was cackling at her saying she loved the...yes, move on from that. "He is my one and only." Sooyoung said firmly. "But try telling that to my lips -"

"Yeah, anytime Harry Styles says to you, "You owe me a snog", they start puckering up." Sooyoung could well imagine Seulgi examining her nails as she said this.

"Bitch." Sooyoung scowled and hung up the call. She heard Seulgi cackling on the end as she ended the call.

The Harry Styles thing. On a night out one day, Sooyoung had had a very lonely night out. Seulgi, Seungwan, Yerim and Joohyun were with all of their boyfriends, and, Sooyoung hadn't had anymore. She had left them and had been down at one of the inner-city stations, waiting for a Midnight train to get her reasonably close to her lovely house so she didn't have to get a lift in one of the girl's cars (Or, in Yerim's case, motorcycle, which, would be impossible anyway because by the time she had her boyfriend Jae on the back - THERE WAS NO FUCKING ROOM!) when a very charming young English guy who was doing work as a anthropologist for the University of Seoul had taken a seat beside her at the station. They had gotten talking, and, he ended up coming home with Sooyoung and sleeping on her couch.

The reason why he was referred to as Harry Styles was because he was English, had dark, lightly curling hair, and, his last name was Harolds. 

It had been Seungwan - raised in British-Commonwealth Canada - who had figured out the name twisting for Yerim, Seulgi and Joohyun. 

And, uh, well, Sooyoung had always been on quite friendly terms with her favourite anthropologist. Who, for the matter, could not sing and sometimes got very bad acne. 

Everywhere.

Seulgi rang her back.

"Yeri's having a bash tonight." Seulgi told her.

Sooyoung's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Even though it's wetter than Noah on his Ark had to deal with?" She said.

"Yep." Seulgi confirmed. Sooyoung definitely heard the sounds of a nail file been used in the background. "It's a fish-themed party." Seulgi added.

Sooyoung groaned "This was Harahito's idea, wasn't it?"

Yerim's boyfriend was shocking, considering he was Japanese and they were an arsehole of a race. He was very sweet, polite, honest, gentle-natured, quiet spoke, shy man named Yuki with short black hair, a ordinairy but endearing set of features, and, a very thin body. He was just as thin as Seulgi. Once, for a joke, they had teased him until he tried on her jeans one night at another party they had.

He actually fitted into them.

But, of course, Yuki was called Harahito because he was Japanese.

"No, no, it was Yeri's." Seulgi corrected Sooyoung. "I think she got talking to Harry Styles."

"Oh, for God's sake." Sooyoung rolled her eyes.

Seulgi cackled. "Your the one that adopted him, love, you look after him." Seulgi cooed. "Turn up looking like a mermaid or something. I don't think there's anything else attractive than mermaids as far as the sea goes."

Later that evening, Sooyoung wondered if she could secretly be let in by Harahito - No, no, don't think that when you're just thinking that because if you slip and say that he's going to get really upset, Sooyoung scolded herself over Yuki - through the back door and change into her costume, because, as she had found out, walking to the train station in what she had created, getting on the train, and then walking to Yerim's was not going to work.

At all.

"Hey, baby." Sooyoung smiled up at Yuki after calling out for the past five minutes. 

"Good Evening, Sooyoung." Even though he was Yerim's boyfriend, Sooyoung swooned a little bit when Yuki kissed her cheek and held the back door open for her. "Why didn't you come around the front?" He asked.

"Haven't got my dress and my face on and I thought that I could be the devil and slip in and get ready upstairs?" Sooyoung pouted slightly, pleading with Yuki. Yuki smiled gently. Everything was so soft-focus and gentle about him, Sooyoung sometimes wondered if Yerim had to search for him sometimes, wondering where he had gone even though he was there, right beside her, as always. 

"Of course you can." He said. 

"Please marry Yeri." Sooyoung patted his head as she went up the stairs. She giggled to herself. What a sweet man Yuki was.

His eyes had closed shut for a moment when she had patted his head.

Aw.

When Sooyoung came back down the stairs twenty minutes later, practically hopping, she was wearing a extremely tight ankle-length black skirt and a black lace bra. 

God bless Yuki.

Sooyoung would never ask any of her friend's boyfriends to help her put lavender-toned body-paint all over her face, neck, throat, arms, shoulder, breasts, chest and back, but, then, God created Yuki, and, it was perfectly okay to ask him.

"I'm the boss bitch out of The Little Mermaid." Sooyoung had explained to him. "After she's been to weight-watchers."

Yuki had laughed at that, thank goodness. 

As Soonyoung had gone downstairs, she had come to remember that the old bitch in the film had had grey hair.

Oh, fuck it, Sooyoung thought. Yuki and Yerim didn't have any talcum powder to lighten up her hair, anyway.

The party was in full swings; someone had Ariana Grande playing on Spotify, and, the sitting room, dining room, kitchen, and the other free general space was...

A fucking disaster. 

It was obvious that the English anthropologist was involved.

There was fishing net - or, even in some places, dressmaking tulle - in varying blues and greys and silver hung from the ceiling and along the walls with fishing ropes, anchors, little sea-side representative knick-knacks like shells and decorative ceramics thrown in odd places with...

Someone's bra hanging from the ceiling lights.

Sooyoung wondered if she'd made a twat of herself. Yerim was hopping around with both legs down one leg of her wide-legged jeans.

It wasn't going too well. Yerim had tried the "just the bra" idea as well, but, half her knickers were on show so Yuki had got her into one of her dresses. Within a couple of minutes, Yerim abandoned her jeans and was running around bare-foot in her peasant-style dress with it's white background and pattern of little red spots. Sooyoung thought Yerim looked lovely in that dress. It was a birthday present of Yuki. Fancy that. A man who could pick out nice frocks.

But, everyone else was just wearing normal going-out clothes.

Due to this, Sooyoung caused a bit of a stir.

"Hello gorgeous kitty-kat." Was how Harry Styles greeted her. He was slightly fishy. 

As in he had two cod drawn on each cheek with someone's eye-makeup pencil, wore a white shirt patterned with black anchors, and, fisherman's wellington boots with his scuffy old jeans.

"I think I want to go home." Sooyoung managed.

"You'll be right, come on, I'll help you get all the paint off."

"Yuki spent half an hour helping me get it all on."

"What's he doing that for?"

"He's being a nice guy, not a cheat."

"Right-o. Anyway, up to the bath-tub."

Harry Styles did manage to get all the paint off of Sooyoung.

He got into serious trouble over this.

"YOU PERVERT!" Another British-expat had a thirty-person audience - all Korean apart from the Japanese Yuki - witnessing her hitting Harry Styles around the head with a cooking spatula before storming out of Yerim and Yuki's house, her round English bum waggling side to side in her tight black minidress with the matching leather coat, tights, and heels.

It seemed he had had a bit of a girlfriend going.

Until that moment when she found out he had been helping the pretty-much fully naked Sooyoung in the bath get her skin not purple.

Harry Styles randomly put on a record and shouted that it was "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls.

No one in the room had heard it before.

And it was in bloody English so no one understood anyway.

Except Seungwan.

Who was nearly dying on the couch from laughter before she got up to dance on the kitchen table with her knickers on show and accidentally kissed Yuki on the cheek, mistaking him for her boyfriend, Han.

Han left right behind Harry Style's Englishwoman.

"Is it just me or is everyone getting dumped tonight?" Joohyun murmured coldly to Sooyoung. She had tried to go for the fish theme. She was wearing a chelsea-collared calve-length dress with a button-up front with earrings shaped like shipping anchors. She was drinking a glass of wine from a bottle that Sooyoung knew she had brought herself to the party for her and herself alone.

It started to pour rain again.

Joohyun looked like she wanted to kill something. Sooyoung eventually got it out of her. The ultimate bitch at the dressmaker's where she worked had stolen the managerial position because she sent nudes to the lesbian daughter of the woman who owned the dressmakers even though the ultimate bitch was heterosexual herself. 

"So..." Sooyoung made sure she had it right. "This twenty-eight year old tart got your job because she essentially seduced the eighteen-year-old daughter of your boss?"

Joohyun squeezed her wine glass so hard it shattered in her grasp.

Despite the events of the evening, the party was very good. They had a game of truth and dare, and Seulgi dared Yerim to fill her enormous knickers with as many vegetables as she could.

Whilst still wearing her knickers.

"How do you know she's wearing big knickers?" Sooyoung asked Seulgi as Yerim burstled off into the kitchen, sitting half in Seulgi's lap so everyone else had plenty of room to be around in the sitting room.

"No point in wearing a thong or anything with lace if you're dating a Yuki type person." For once, Seulgi didn't call Yuki Harahito. "The shock would kill him." 

"That man is gorgeous." Sooyoung stated frankly.

Seulgi shrugged.

"You're a bitch." Sooyoung told her.

"AH, THAT CUCUMBER IS FUCKING FREEZING!" Yerim shrieked. Everyone nearly died laughing. Yerim had had to look in the fridge for more things to fill up her enormous knickers. In the end, she had five potatoes, a refrigerated cucumber, three carrots, a pack of snowpeas, and a apple stuffed down there. 

Then, it was Sooyoung's turn. 

"Whose the one person in the room that you'd snog?" Seungwan asked. 

Everyone "ooo"'d. Sooyoung didn't bat an eyelash; she sophisticatically thought about her answer so she wasn't on the recieveing end of a duffing up from any of her friends.

"None of you." She answered.

This caused outrage. "Why not?" Harry Styles exclaimed. Everyone nearly wet themselves because it was him exclaiming the most.

"You've all got girlfriends or boyfriends."

"Joohyun hasn't." Harry Styles helpfully pointed out. Joohyun flipped him the bird. He commented that it turned him on when her inner bitch came out. That put an end to that.

They ended up playing the British version of "Sardines" which was essentially climbing into wardrobes and snogging. Yerim and Yuki got into one wardrobe with another couple, and, nearly everyone took it in turns, but, mostly, people just drank, danced, and, flicked through the telly to see what was on. 

Joohyun cuddled up into Sooyoung's side on the couch. Joohyun hadn't had a girlfriend or any sort of intimacy for the last five years, and, with missing out on her job to the world's ultimate bitch, it had really put her down. 

"Your boobs make good pillows." Joohyun commented, half-lying, half-sitting between Sooyoung's legs; to manage this, Sooyoung's skirt had been rolled up to her hips, but, with Joohyun half-sitting, half-lying with her on the couch, no one could see her knickers. Sooyoung pressed them up either side of Joohyun's head, and, Joohyun got the giggles when Sooyoung had to quickly stuff them back into her bra when they popped out fully. 

"They're nice and warm on my ears. Like muffs." Joohyun added.

Seulgi had just come into the sitting room to ask Sooyoung if she had seen her shoes, and, as soon as her lugs caught that bit of information, it was officially broadcast onto Radio Seulgi.

"GUYS, YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT JOOHYUN-UNNIE JUST SAID!" Seulgi shrieked, rushing about like her arse was on fire.

"Let's go home, love." Sooyoung eventually said to Joohyun. "I've got other plans."

"Like what?" Joohyun mumbled. She had turned onto her front and had half gone to sleep face-first in Sooyoung's breasts stuffed into her bra.

"Let's go home and dance there." Sooyoung accidentally sneezed and Joohyun's hair copped it.

Joohyun went ballistic and beat Sooyoung to within an inch of her life with a cushion from the couch. Yuki ended up coming into to save Sooyoung as everyone was too busy laughing and filming on their phones. He smartly shoved Joohyun over the back of the couch but ruined the effect by asking her if she ok immediately afterwards. 

At nearly Midnight, with Joohyun and Sooyoung back at Sooyoung's house, and then Seulgi at hers, Sooyoung phoned Seulgi. "Unnie?" She said sweetly.

"Yeah?" Seulgi answered.

Sooyoung got herself a case of the giggles. "Do you ever get the urge?" She asked, pushing her hair back behind her ear.

"What?" Seulgi said. Sooyoung burst out laughing as the sight of Joohyun's pink knickers thrown from the kitchen flew through the air like they had their own life, and attached themselves to the hanging-lights in the hall.

"You know, to flow free and wild?" Sooyoung teased Seulgi, trying to get the penny to drop down the front of Seulgi's blouse.

Seulgi thought. "Well, sometimes when me and my last boyfriend were alone in the house together." She admitted.

"Yes..." Sooyoung's eyebrows went up expectantly, and she wondered why it was taking the life of a mammoth for Seulgi to tell her all about it.

"We would flick each other with towels." Seulgi eventually answered.

"Seulgi, shut up -" Sooyoung told her, now really not interested. It was one thing for Seulgi to say her last boyfriend was a soft cock, but, if what's-his-face was a soft cock, then Seulgi's last boyfriend was one ugly cunt, then. No doubt about it. Babies had cried at the sight of his deplorable features. He looked like he drank Agent Orange in the morning instead of having a cuppa.

"No, no, listen, it's not rude -" Seulgi insisted.

"No, shut up, I've got something to say." Sooyoung put a cork in Seulgi's bottle.

"What?" Seulgi huffed.

"I am dancing with Joohyun...but in WHAT?" Sooyoung turned around in the hall and stuck her thumb up to Joohyun who had come to check on her from where they had ABBA blaring in the kitchen before watching Joohyun's bare bum vanish back into the kitchen. It was fair to say that they were considerably more drunk now than they were at the party, and, both of them weren't in great moods until right about now.

"What do you mean what?" Seulgi said. "Uh...what? Pyjamas?"

"NOPE!" Sooyoung beamed.

"Er...nighties?" Seulgi tried again. Sooyoung stretched the phone cord for the landline as far as she could to witness Joohyun's breasts jumping up and down against her ribs as she danced around happily. Phwoar, Sooyoung thought, and promptly got back into the hallway before she ruined her phone service.

"THINK AGAIN!" Sooyoung sung operatically.

"...sporty knickers?" Seulgi's tone dropped considerably, thinking seriously. Not looking at her bloody nails when I'm telling her this, Sooyoung thought triumphantly.

"I AM DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS!" Sooyoung shrieked at the same time as Joohyun who had rushed back into the hallway with a bottle of vodka in her hand after her short dancing break.

All three of them laughed like loons on loon tablets, and, even with the phone, Sooyoung swore she could hear Seulgi pissing herself laughing from next door through the walls as yet even more rain fell down from the sky.

"No, I don't believe it." Seulgi managed after a while. "Oh, God, I'm crying everywhere...." She giggled. "Fuck, where's the tissues when you need them, eh?"

"Come round and have a look." Sooyoung dared Seulgi. Joohyun tapped her on the shoulder and whispered into her ear away from the reciever of the phone.

"I'll get my lipstick on and kiss both your nipples and then Seulgi'll die from the shock of seeing your nip-nips covered in YSL...reddy-sort-of-froggy stuff." Joohyun said.

"God, you really need a shag." Sooyoung replied back to her. "Even a pity shag."

"Oh my God, no way, it's raining." Seulgi said to Sooyoung over the phone, and, Sooyoung got her lugs back to the phone.

"You're next - TWATTING DOOR!" Sooyoung began the sentence sweetly but it ended in a shriek when she felt one of Joohyun's fingers slip between her legs and touch her clit from behind. Sooyoung fell arse over head and shouted for the world about lezzies on heat and the perils of lezzies on heat on vodka.

"My hair will get wet." Sooyoung just caught Seulgi saying from the telephone reciever, now laying on the ground. Instead of picking it up and getting up properly, Sooyoung just stayed on her hands and knees on the floor, lowering her head down to the reciever on the floor, which, inevitably meant her bum went up in the air. Now, just because Joohyun had gone back into the kitchen, didn't mean she wasn't going to come back and see...that.

"You don't want to accidentally become a lezzie, that's what." Sooyoung confidently answered, wondering if she would end up in a lesbian sex dungeon if Joohyun overheard her asking Suelgi for help because "Joo-baby" had the Cosmic Horn - she wanted to shag everyone and everything.

"I wouldn't become a lezzie." Seulgi said.

"Oh, that confident are you?" Sooyoung raised an eyebrow. She got up from the floor, feeling decidely more wobbly than she had a few minutes before. Joohyun came back into the hallway and Sooyoung put the telephone reciever down by the crook of her shoulder and neck.

"Yeah, love?" She said to Joohyun.

"Do you have anything I can use?" Joohyun asked.

"...use for what?" Sooyoung managed after a few moments, not understand.

Joohyun looked at her. "How long have you known me?"

"Six...odd years?" Sooyoung's eyebrows wriggled. God, she was getting shit-faced. "Why...I don't know how to answer your question."

"No worries, I'll find something." Joohyun resolved and went back into the kitchen. Sooyoung shrugged and got back onto the phone to Seulgi. She decided to tell her.

"Joohyun's got the cosmic horn and she just touched my lady parts and then she asked me if I had anything she could use, whatever that means -" Sooyoung started, but, it went a bit awry.

Sooyoung nearly killed Seulgi.

Seulgi ended up having to hang up the line she was laughing so much. 

Well, this is fucking ridiculous, Sooyoung thought to herself. I'm alone in my house in a state of nature with a horny lezzie type woman. My Dad'd have a fit

Sooyoung collected Joohyun's pink knickers from the ceiling lights in the hall as she went through to her kitchen, but, Joohyun wasn't in there. Sooyoung went through to her sitting room. She nearly fell over.

Joohyun was fast asleep on the couch in the sitting room back in her collared dress with half the buttons done-up and a knitted throw pulled over her. 

It occured to Sooyoung that she had been very, very, very stupid.

And that things were going to be really weird in the morning unless she did something to give some grace back to herself.

Maybe she'd cook something half-decent.

Like burnt toast that she'd scrape the crust at to within an inch of her life and smother it with so much jam that it looked like one was just eating jam.

No, she could do better than that.

She could slip out on the sly and do a McDonald's run. Yes. No possibility of cinder-reduced toast at McDonald's.

Chiefly because they don't do toast.

Ah well.

Sooyoung went up to her spare room, got the duvet of the spare bed, and put it over Joohyun as an added layer with the pillow from the spare bed. "Unnie, I'm going to bed, night-night." Sooyoung made sure Joohyun was comfortable and she turned on the lamps beside the television, and, left the light on in the hallway so if Joohyun needed the loo in the middle of the night with all the vodka she had guzzled she could use the one under the stairs beside the coat cupboard.

"Night-night, bubby." Joohyun mumbled sleepily before turning onto her other side. Just as Sooyoung was going up the stairs, Joohyun called out to her.

"I knew you had a tattoo on the inside of your thigh all of these years."

Sooyoung shrieked before rushing upstairs. Oh, God, she was really going to have to pull out the stops tomorrow morning at breakfast. Once, when she was pissed, very, very pissed, she had let someone put a tattoo on the inside of her thigh.

But it was Seulgi's name.

And if Joohyun ever said anything to anyone Sooyoung would never live it down.

And Seulgi would kill her anyway, or, even worse, sentence her to life in a lesbian monastery.

"Dear God." Sooyoung prayed in her bed after she brushed her teeth and got her make-up off. "Let Yuki marry Yeri, let Joohyun have numerous amazing sexual relationships, let Seulgi never find out she's got a second address on the inside of my thigh, let me have just as much fun as Joohyun for the matter, and, please, Dear God, if I am going to hurl, don't let me choke on it in my sleep."

Sooyoung turned out her lamp on the bedside table.


End file.
